Darker Side of the Angel Wing
by Moonlight Shadow4
Summary: A darker look into the character of Rinoa Heartilly there was more to her than most people thought and she held so much of it quiet and inside for so long. implied SquallRinoa and past SeiferRinoa


**A/N: **To my longtime fans, this must seem odd. I know I haven't really been doing much fan fiction...or anything with the _Inuyasha_ fandom. To be honest, I've been fighting with it and myself for a while. It's not that I don't love Inuyasha, it's just I've had enough bringing-down things said to me about the fandom that I've been less-than-enthused. I'll try and update; I still have files on my computer but we'll see.

For right now, this is something I wrote about Rinoa Heartilly, the heroine of _Final Fantasy VIII_. I originally wrote it on deviantART and posted it there but this, I felt, would be at least an update so you'd know I wasn't dead.

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_**Darker Side of the Angel Wing**_

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Squall...

I never imaged our love could grow to this and...and I'm very glad...to have met you.

The end is drawing near and as you're standing there with all the others in this cold playground in Trabia...I became aware that I was different. I had always been different. I must've seemed like such a coward to you that day...

You remember, don't you? When Galbadia named the Sorceress as the new ambassador...I froze when I was attacked by the Igunions. I curled up into a ball. I couldn't fight something so big and strong without someone by my side...

I realized then how powerless I was...

How both you and Quistis could think that I was so stupid and so simple to believe everything a game... Even my own father, the belligerent bastard he is, chalked it up to me playing a game like a little girl who, long ago, wore a little pink dress and had pigtails and climbed in her mother's lap.

I'm not a simpleton, Squall, do you know that? Hyne, I think you're the only one who really knows that...

You, like me, have put a mask on to deal with the pain – you became cold and I desperately tried to hold onto something within my heart, within myself, that was good, pure, and clean. Something like my mother.

But I am not her. And I do not wish to be like her. A bar pianist to singer...to sorceress? I don't think she could've dealt with being a sorceress; I didn't go to seal myself out of fear of my powers – it was to protect the ones I loved. I wasn't going to be someone's puppet again.

My mother barely handled losing her 'true love'...who only turned out to be _your_father...

There is no way my mother is living out her wished-for life with me, with you. We are different. We are not some crossed stars remnant of my mother and your father, who _did_ find someone he loved in your mother, Squall; I know he loves your mother still with his whole heart. We are very, very different. You kept everything inside and with the help of Guardian Forces forgot everything. I couldn't forget.

My father beat me after my mother died – can you believe that? Beating on a five-year-old because your wife died in a car accident? I barely can. Birthday cake smeared on the wall, one lit candle, and a confused little girl; it wasn't her fault that her birthday was two weeks after the funeral.

I know you've always wondered how I ended up in Timber of all places – I'd lived in Deling City my whole life...for a good time anyway. It would seem I had a nice life – my father a hotshot official with a huge mansion and I could have anything physical that I wanted. Love isn't physical, Squall, you can't touch it or taste it.

I left when I was ten. I didn't have any family there in Timber. You would think I'd have at least an aunt or an uncle, grandparents maybe.

Nothing.

I walked into the Deling City train station and exited the Timber one with people asking me what a little girl was doing on the train. "Where's your mommy and daddy, sweetheart? It's not nice to play tricks on them, you know. Games like that are very hurtful."

Me – carefree about so many things, somewhat naïve and sentimental; that's how you know me – yet you would've been so surprised. My whole face felt numb and I stared back, a dark green suitcase in my hands, and said, "My mommy is dead and my daddy hates me. I don't care."

I smiled as sweetly as any little girl could – as _angelically _as I could, Squall. It goes without saying people backed away from me, huh? That's why I was so angry with you when I met you. I'd been like you and I couldn't stand regiments and orders – my father had once tried to get me into a youth-trainee program for the Galbadian government then tried later to enroll me at Galbadia Garden. Enough had been enough. Just because he couldn't deal with my mother's death so many years later didn't make it my fault and I wasn't about to martyr myself for a man who left me all alone in a huge mansion or who wouldn't leave me alone when he was there. The night I left, it was snowing over Deling City and my father had just returned home from some state dinner.

When I got off the train in Timber, with an icy rain falling, I knew I wanted to cause a ruckus for my father. None of the soldiers recognized me and I was glad for that. I met the chief of 'The Forest Fox' and she took me in for a while. I knew this was the heart of all things anti-Galbadia – anti-my father and anti-my mother's memory.

I hated them all.

Do you have any idea how sad and pathetic it is to hear a grown man sobbing at night, staring at a photograph and some old love notes that were not addressed to him but to another? And when he catches you staring there, he slaps you and chucks an empty green liquor bottle at you? Then you see the name – 'Laguna' – at the beginning of every page.

You were so lucky in that way, Squall. You were...desensitized on purpose more or less. I had no choice.

I'd actually thought of going to Balamb – I heard it was so pretty in the spring. I even considered joining the Garden there. But...Timber was full of resistance members and spite towards Deling City, the Galbadian government and all that it stood for. It was nice place to settle between those two extremes, isn't it?

I met Zone and Watts when I was fourteen and soon began helping them. They trained me with a Blaster Edge since it was a long-range, pinwheel weapon and I took an obvious knack to it. Do you know why they called me 'Princess,' Squall? I never asked for it, or the pink room on the train, or anything else – haven't you noticed I prefer blue? Pinky colors are more Quistis' thing, actually – it was because I told Zone the truth about where I was from. Because I was General Caraway's daughter, he said it made me a "Princess of the Galbadian army. All hail the turned-Princess...!"

Yes...

I was so angry about that. I tied the black ribbon around my left arm to symbolize my grief. Most people assumed it was for my mother. I'm not sure anymore. Maybe it was initially, maybe it was for Timber, or maybe it was for my own self because I was a lost soul who just wanted to find a place to call home that was safe.

I proved my mettle to 'The Forest Owls' by fighting a lot, using that flirtatious and hot-headed attitude. I still couldn't help the bouts of innocence towards things like animals. I was jaded, but I wasn't dead; I wanted to still drink in wonder and have hope for the farther duration of my life. After all, I was still young, right? I got my dog Angelo from the Timber pet shop for my fifteenth birthday and I have not been without a confidant since. Angelo is my reminder.

I could use my Blaster Edge better than any of the guys that joined us over the years – 'The Forest Owls' grew under my command more than Zone's. He was usually too busy holing himself up somewhere with the latest naughty magazine then; Watts preferred to play spy but could never drop that nervous habit of his, the one where he said "sir" at the end of every sentence.

I was focused and dedicated. I know I made some rookie mistakes but I was consumed with the desire of disrupting my father's life. I knew he was sorry for the things he'd done but as time wore on; I just wouldn't deal with it anymore. I had changed my name from "Rinoa Caraway" to "Rinoa Heartilly" shortly after I left Deling City. I'm sure he knew I was in Timber, but if he ever came to look, I hid in places he could never find me.

But I wasn't totally selfish in my efforts, Squall, please remember that, okay? I really did want to help Timber. The more I learned about the small former-nation, I learned how beautiful and charming it was. I once saw some Galbadian soldiers steal money from an elderly man and proceed to harass him. I defeated them both with only my Blaster Edge and Angelo by my side. How could I turn my back on these people? They were in just as much need of help as I was. Soon, I felt warmer again and I could feel my heartbeat at night after a long day. I realized I loved Timber and all things about it and that it was worth my all. I had a purpose and direction – I had a chance to become better, something new.

Things...continued to change.

When I was sixteen, I met Seifer. I guess Balamb Garden was out for the summer even though I know both you and he lived there year-round – I always wondered if you bothered to take a vacation, Squall, or if a vacation for you entailed training with your gunblade. I hope it was at least by the ocean – the water is so pretty there. Anyway, I spent most of my summer with Seifer. He tried to train me better and said I'd been doing such a good job with the limited resources I had.

Zone didn't like his cockiness but I was drawn to his arrogance; besides, Zone never liked anything that seemed more masculine than him, which was just about everything. Seifer was strong and he was very sweet – hard for you to imagine, I'm sure, but he really was kind and gentle with me. And he was nothing but a perfect gentleman. Contrary to popular belief, I didn't date every guy I saw and I certainly never slept with any of them. You should know that better than anyone, Squall Leonhart. I was so focused on my goals that Seifer was the first diversion I'd had – the first welcome reminder that I was a girl, deep down.

I knew guys around town, along with comers and goers, gave me appreciative looks but this was the first time I felt appreciated as...just me. You know – just as Rinoa. I felt beautiful. There was no spite in Seifer's eyes when he looked at me. He simply saw me for who I was and, really, if we're going to be honest, Squall, it was Seifer who got me to laugh and smile again – I mean, really mean it. He took me fishing once at the Balamb Harbor.

He even rode the train down to Timber and back again with me because he was afraid I'd get hurt or something if left by myself. Then he'd give me that cocky grin and say that it was, "Because I don't wanna have to hear about my favorite girl getting whipped on while I was away. I'll never get close to my 'romantic dream' then." I didn't know what it was then, his 'romantic dream', but it made me smile all the same.

When I'd met Seifer, it was in Timber and he'd thought I was getting attacked by Zone and Watts. I have to say, Squall, it was probably one of _the _funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life. Seifer ran out to play Mr. Hero and waved his Hyperion gunblade around; Watts ran while Zone's clutched his stomach and squealed like a little girl. It was hysterical. Needless to say, Seifer was (sort of) sorry.

During that summer, he spent time in both Timber and Balamb. Sometimes he'd go back to Balamb to hang out with his 'posse' – Raijin and Fujin, whom I met once before I had to fight them with you during the course of all these weird events – and check in his instructors. I bet it was to give Quistis trouble and disrupt his 'biggest rival' – you, Squall. He used to tell me that then; never your name, just that he had to go back and mess with his biggest rival.

Seifer was a lot of help in getting 'The Forest Owls' up and running, but even I thought he was a little too brash at times. All the same, I'd pointed out to him with a long, heavy sigh – it was the end of summer then and we were standing on the bridge overlooking the train depot – that 'The Forest Owls' just didn't have the manpower to do anything really. The other resistance members were too afraid to try something big and all my requests to Garden were rejected by the Garden Faculty – they never even saw the headmaster. They always said I was offering too little money.

You know Seifer – he's a i _real /i _ hothead. He got really fired up, cussing and swinging his gunblade around. It was then he promised to find a time for me to talk to Headmaster Cid. He gave me a date, saying it was the SeeD inaugural ball. He would be there in his finest and I should just show up – no one would ask questions because a lot of candidates had families and friends outside Garden. I agreed and he left to go home to Balamb, giving me the closest thing to a kiss I'd had – he gave me a light, barely-touched-my-bottom-lip kiss and, surprisingly red, jogged off.

I really thought I was in love then, Squall, and...maybe I was. Part of me now would want to love him based on those good memories, but how harshly he treated you as his training partner, when he captured us and only _you_ were electric-shock tortured for information... Those things among others just made it something I couldn't deal with; he was a monster then, a willing monster. Ultimecia using Edea's body or even mine didn't use mind control on him – Seifer was just that selfish. It was his 'romantic dream'. That summer, we hadn't even broken up, if we were ever together – to this day I don't know for sure _what_ we were. He turned on me in that way too.

But don't think you're second best, Squall. You're not. Seifer never liked to watch the stars and our eyes met after looking at the same falling one. I approached you for a lot of reasons at the ball – because you were good-looking, you were in the corner, you saw the star I did. But it was more than I was just bored. I wouldn't trivialize someone like that.

I was glad I came to ball – not only did I speak to Headmaster Cid, I danced with you, and I think that's why Cid put you on the Timber team. The rest is now history. We've undergone Time Compression, defeated Ultimecia, freed Timber, and all those other goals and things...

And now we're standing on the balcony outside the very dance hall we'd met at before, seeing another shooting star and all these thoughts are going through my head, Squall Leonhart. I wanted you to save me so badly the day the Igunions attacked and you did; when I was trying to seal myself, it was to save you. I love you so much, Squall, even with this dark side beneath my angel wings.

Now you're smiling at me, soft and warm, and I feel fine. I'm not afraid of things anymore and the darkness of my past doesn't matter so much. I'll tell you all this one day, but right now I don't want to. I may be a sorceress now but you are my knight, for always.

And now you've pulled me in by the very hand that pointed out that shooting star to you and your arm goes around my waist. "I love you, Rinoa," you say quietly.

"I love you, too, Squall," I whisper back and your smile twitches in that happy way. Then you kiss me and I close my eyes, forgetting everything but you, Squall. To a future un-time compressed.


End file.
